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Wednesday, 22 August 2007

  • Its Been Weird

    Been a strange month since I last wrote.  I guess that I have very little to say of substance.  God has ben Kickin my hind end.  In the search for God, I seem to have misplaced my heart.  I feel like an old man who has lost his glasses and can't find them because he can't see to look for them.  It is this way with God.  I feel like I have lost my heart, I cannot find God because I need to come to know Him with my heart.  However, my heart is misplaced.  I realize that I wanted to "know" God for 45 years.  However I am not sure my heart ever wanted God to discover it.  It has only been in the past several weeks that I have shared things of guilt and shame with a very special group of friends on a Friday night.  Area's of my childhood that are Horror to me and make we want to vomit with shame and guilt.  In bringing these things into the light it has been excruciatingly painful.  I would like to say that everything is Rosy and Bright now, however that would be a lie.  I have at this time become basically in a crisis to know God with my heart not my mind.  I desperatley want Him but realize that on an intellectual level I have no ability to know Him.  So it is with my heart that I have to come to him.  This is kind of a mid-life Spiritual Crisis...of sorts.  I will cease to struggle with this anymore.  If God wants to reveal Himself then He can do that.  If He decides to stay quiet, then I will just have to trust.  This is a journey I wish I had embarked on about 25 years ago!!!    So much lost time......So much I have trifled with God through the Medium of Religion.  I am forsaking all other gods and Idols.  Even the Idol of Religion.  I trust that God will show up without the limitations that I have put upon him with my feeble mind.  I have to know Him with my Heart and Soul or my mind is useless with information I cannot comprehend, nor interpret.

    I Hate being in this place...But I know it is in this place that I will Find God.......I know He is good to His Word.  If I Seek I will Find.  However I cannot seek with my mind, only my heart.

    Dear God This is Tough!!.....

Friday, 13 July 2007

  • Love

    I have had a very challenging week.  I have been exploring the whole Home Church thing and have come to the conclusion that most home churches are just repackaged institutional churches in a relaxed home environment.  What is it that makes is so stinkin' difficult to give up on form and get to God's heart on the Function of His children as they meet.  Some of my questions for this week as I have wrestled with this question facing the church

    What did the first Century church have that made people observing their meetings and get-togethers skake their heads in wonder and incredulity...It was their LOVE!! for one another.  We give so much lip service to this today that most of us would not even know what this would look like in a church. 

    We get glimpses of it when we see a father out in the grass area playing with his children when he should be in the Church Service.  We may even get a lump in our throat because of a longing for that type of freedom and love that we wish we could express to our children, if not for the expectation that their are more important grown up things we should be doing, like listening to the pastor who is preaching inside the cathedral.

    We get a glimpse when we are walking out to the parking lot after the Church Service and we see a couple stop at the car as He opens the door for her and then she turns and tenderly kisses him in thanks for his caring and gentleness as a man.

    We get a glimpse of it when one a teenagers heart is moved with compassion and love and they get up from where they are  sitting and offer their seat to an older person...in spite of what all the watching eyes of their friends may think about them!

    I am just rambling my thoughts, but hey! isn't that what a blog is for??  I think if we could just love eachother like we are supposed to do, but not out of duty, but because we truly desire to be kind and think more highly of others than we do of ourselves, then we would be able be the light to a dark world.  Heck, it would make we want to come in and see what was going on with these people...and find out what makes them so different....

Sunday, 01 July 2007

  • It was a Weird Night Friday at Group!  Had some religious people stop by.  They kind of settled in and did their thing.  I went in the back of the room and prayed.  It is amazing how devious the enemy is.  Tonight God led me to Scripture after Scripture in the Bible about how the Old Covenant was broken and made obsolete.  I only knew of some of the more popular ones.  Gods Spirit just let me leaf through the Bible...Everywhere I stopped and read something it was on the Old Covenant being dismantled for the Jews and the Non-Jews.  I knew what to pray for....That Jesus would prevail that night, and that everyone present would see Jesus Christ rise over the Confusion of the Demonic Clamor that was incredibly distracting and taking away the Glory from my Lord and Giving it to Religious Tradition of the Past.   I Am Still Sorting out Everything that Happened That night and Trying to let God Make Sense in my Heart. After the Religiousl Group left I wasAble to teach a young girl how to Spiritual Songs from the Word of God.  The Joy on her Face and In Her Heart Made the Whole night worthwhile.  Thank You God For Showing Up..l.You had everything Covered. 

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

  • Hey!

    Hi!

    I just graduated from Wichita State University this past spring.  Right now I am writing music and spending alot of time reading the Bible.  It is amazing how current this book is on current events and our many social disasters in the world.  I guess there is really nothing new to every new generation, just a re-packaging of the old filth and depravity in a more technologicaly acceptable wrapper!  What a world! 

    I'm about to become a Grandpa....This is one of the most blessed times in my life. My screen saver is a picture of my grandaughter in 3D Ultrasound.....- -  If you ask me I will tell ya that it's Ultra Cool?

  • Wild and Crazy nights down in the Delano District - Wichita,  Ks  I've met some new friends who also are searching for an Authenticity to Christianity that is pretty hard to find in alot of churches in America.  I am a messy Christian...I don't have everything down perfect, not even after 4 decades of living on this earth.  I'm not even close.  Its nice to have some others who have walked similar dusty, dirty roads in life.  I love being around people who are not afraid to open their hearts up to a God who created the Universe and yet loves me passionately.  I am still healing, and probably will be have tender spots the rest of my life. 

     

    But I am realizing that its O.K.  I am the humble servant of a hugely loving God!  I Seek Jesus Christ (Alive and Well) and I am enjoying my "Home in the Hood"  Lots of people to show God's love to down here.

tritonmotif

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    • Name: Tim
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 6/26/2007

About Me

  • A Crazy Old Man! At least that's what my Son's say. I love music and love to record and record others. I have a passionate love for God that is very real and very cool. I grew up in San Francisco Bay Area - I gues that explains some of the weirdness. I gues I turned out O.K. considering what I have been through in my life!

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